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I’m embarrassed to admit it, but for years I struggled with binge eating. When others were around me, I would eat healthy, normal-looking meals.

But, when I was by myself, I would gorge on junk food until I felt sick. It was a heavy secret to keep, affecting not only my weight and overall health but also my social life and relationships.

(Some nights I would rather stay home and secretly eat than hang out with my family or friends.)

a fork full of coconut flour pancakes after cutting into a stack.

Today I want to share some of the steps I took to finally stop binge eating, in the hopes that it might help someone else out there who might be struggling, too.

Disclaimer: If you are feeling suicidal, severely depressed, or in need of medical attention, please see a licensed healthcare provider. This website is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice.

What Causes Binge Eating?

I don’t believe there is just one answer as to what causes people to start binge eating, but it seems that one common cause is having a restricted diet at some point in your life.

This could have happened when you were a child, if well-meaning parents attempted to limit your food intake to help prevent childhood obesity, or it might have happened later in life when you attempted to diet to lose weight.

(In my case, it was the latter.)

before and after of Megan Gilmore, Detoxinista

Not surprisingly, depression can also play a role in binge eating. My suffering hit its peak when I was working from home in Los Angeles, as I felt very isolated and didn’t have a lot of human interaction each day.

I also had a nutritionally poor diet, which probably contributed to those feelings of depression, and that left me feeling malnourished. This combination led to more serious bouts of binge eating as you’ll see below.

What is Considered Binge Eating?

Binge eating is defined as the consumption of a large quantity of food in a short period of time.

In many cases, the person binge eating feels out of control and eats WAY past their comfort level. For a person suffering from Binge Eating Disorder, there is no purging after the binge (which is what makes it different from Bulimia.)

I would imagine that almost everyone has experienced some level of emotional eating, or comfort eating, at some point in his or her life, but it’s the eating far past your comfort level or feeling out of control that sets binge eating apart from simply “splurging.”

flourless vegan chocolate cake

A binge can vary from person to person, as it’s kind of up to self-interpretation. For some, they may tend to binge eat at night, after a stressful day at work, or after a day of a low-calorie dieting.

For others, it may be a full day of binge eating, particularly on days leading up to starting a strict diet. One thing that most binges have in common is that the eating is done in secret, as the person is ashamed of his or her actions.

Here’s an example of what a full day of secret binge eating looked like for me:

  • Morning: I’d go to McDonald’s and order an Extra Value Meal (which included a breakfast biscuit and hash browns), then realize that I could even be more indulgent and order a second meal. I’d order two cinnamon rolls, as well, because why not? I took my massive amount of food home and devoured it all in about 15-20 minutes. After that I would feel slightly guilty, but still excited to eat more food.
  • Afternoon: I’d order a large, deep-dish pizza. While I was waiting for it to be delivered, I’d eat cookies and potato chips, and anything else that might might be off-limits to me in the near future.
  • Early Evening: This was often my last chance to eat something before someone else could get home and interrupt my secret eating, so I’d walk to the convenience store across the street and buy a pint of ice cream, or a king-size candy bar, or both. I’d eat as much as I could, then I’d get rid of ALL of the evidence, taking out the trash so that no one would see my empty food wrappers.
  • Evening: I’d make myself a light salad or healthy dinner to eat in front of my family, and act as if my stomach wasn’t killing me, even though I felt miserable. I’d go to bed feeling guilty, depressed, and ashamed, with a resolution to eat “perfectly” the next day.

A binge day like this would usually occur anytime that I was planning to try a super-strict diet, like a juice fast, an all-raw diet, a candida cleanse, or a low-carb protocol (I tried it all!).

The more strict my diet, the more drastic the binge would be.

Also, my binges rarely were contained to just one day. Usually, I would binge-eat like that one to three times a week. If I slipped up during a dieting day, the rest of that day would turn into a binge because the way I saw it, I had already “blown it” for the day and I might as well start fresh tomorrow.

Mentally, I remember reasoning with myself that I would have a better “before” picture to compare to later when I lost weight after my diet since I’d be so bloated from binge-eating. (What a great excuse to eat with reckless abandon!)

The only problem was… it was really hard to stop binge eating, and it was even harder to stick to a strict diet for very long.

On a side note, days like this one would also wreak havoc on my budget. I was too ashamed to keep these “bad” foods in my fridge, so I would buy them and discard the evidence, which is a huge waste across the board. You would think that being on a tight budget would have stopped me at the time, but it didn’t.

Binge eating, in general, doesn’t make logical sense, which is why it’s so hard to explain it to others who haven’t experienced it.

date sweetened peanut butter cookie

Stuck In A Cycle of Yo-Yo Dieting

I suffered through this cycle for years because I was always convinced that if I could just find the perfect diet, or reach a certain goal weight or clothing size, that my issues would go away.

I wouldn’t stop dieting, and therefore I couldn’t stop binge eating, either.

I also felt like I was “getting away with it” because I never gained THAT much weight, despite my crazy eating habits. I definitely did gain weight, and my clothing size did fluctuate often, but I would always follow a super-strict diet for 2 to 4 weeks and lose the weight again. (Though, this did get harder to maintain over time. Your body won’t always respond as well to the same diet over and over again.)

Then the cycle would start all over again. I was stuck in a cycle of yo-yo dieting.

mango strawberry smoothie

How I Finally Stopped Binge Eating

I’d love to say there was a “magic cure” that made things click, but it didn’t happen overnight.

For me, the change was more gradual.

By taking the steps below, my binge eating sessions became shorter, less severe, and happened far less frequently. Eventually, they started to simply resemble the dietary “splurges” that normal people have. (Like having a couple of cookies after family dinner, or going out for ice cream with friends.) Now, I eat like a healthy, normal person with a few splurges here and there.

The following things helped me get there:

  • I stopped dieting. This was a non-negotiable step for me. I had to stop restricting my food choices because restriction led me to binge eating. Every. Single. Time. No more calorie counting or thinking about macronutrients for me. In fact, I needed to make sure I was eating plenty of nourishing food so that my body didn’t feel restricted at all. When you eat enough, your cravings will eventually diminish naturally. (This is also why I urge people to enjoy plenty of fresh fruit— when I eat fruit, I have almost no sugar cravings.)
  • I stopped labeling foods as “good” or “bad.” This one is tricky because I truly do believe that some foods are better and more nutritious than others. I think we should primarily focus on eating real, whole foods as much as possible, and I do think that processed foods should be minimized. However, for the sake of my mental health, I don’t feel guilty about moments when I want to eat french fries, pizza, or a real donut. It really is okay to eat these things now and then! When I don’t feel guilty about it, I go right back to eating salads, smoothies, and healthy dinners– usually appreciating how good they make me feel even more. I try to practice this mentality with my kids, too, so they hopefully won’t grow up with issues around food.
  • I dropped all of my dietary labels. Along the same lines, I also decided to stop calling myself a vegetarian, because it was not doing me any favors from a mental health perspective. I needed to be allowed to eat any food I wanted, including meat. For the most part, I still don’t like to eat meat– but every now and then I want to be able to have a cheeseburger, or slice of pepperoni pizza, or a bowl of chicken soup, without feeling guilty about it. (Had I become a vegetarian for strong ethical reasons, I don’t think this would have been as much of an issue, but I became a vegetarian primarily because I wasn’t that fond of meat and I thought I’d be leaner.)
  • I started practicing daily self-care. Have you heard the phrase, “Fake it until you make it?” Even if you’re not totally happy with how your body looks or feels, you have to start acting like you LOVE it. With enough practice, you will! To get started, I made a list of things that make me feel good– like dry skin brushing, sitting in a sauna, going for a walk outdoors, or even taking a nap– and then I tried to practice one or more of those things daily. I’ve found that the more I take care of myself, the more I want to keep it up. It’s momentum-building! (As a bonus, taking a walk outside makes me feel better than eating a whole sleeve of cookies.)
  • I only eat food that I truly love. I think it’s really important to start noticing how foods make you feel and what you love the taste of. When I stopped dieting, I let myself eat anything and everything– including fast food and junk food. And you know what I realized? Most of that junk food appealed to me because I had made it “forbidden.” When you tell yourself you can’t have something, you make that very thing SO MUCH MORE tempting. When I stopped making certain foods forbidden, I had the opportunity to judge those foods based on their actual taste and texture. Not surprisingly, most of the packaged junk food and fast food options became unappealing, simply because the recipes I make at home do taste better– so now I choose homemade food most of the time because I prefer it. (Not because I feel like I have to.)

Seek Professional Counseling: I was too embarrassed (and broke) to seek professional help at the time, but I still wish I could have seen a counselor for help. I’d recommend anyone who is struggling with binge eating, or another eating disorder, to seek help as soon as possible. I think it would have saved me a lot of time and struggle to have a professional guide me through the recovery process since none of my friends or family could relate to what I was going through.

As an alternative, I did read a lot of books. I can’t say that one book in particular gave me an “a-ha moment,” but I do think that as a whole, they helped gradually change my mindset. Here are a few of the books I found helpful.

Can you stop binge eating AND lose weight?

I think the scariest part of this whole process was the fact that I had to stop dieting in order to stop binge eating. It’s scary to stop dieting because I think everyone assumes that they might gain weight when they let themselves eat whatever they want. (And often the desire to lose weight is what starts this cycle in the first place.)

The truth is, you might gain a couple of pounds when you first allow yourself to eat whatever you want… though, that wasn’t the case for me.

Because I truly let myself eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, I was also able to stop eating those items when I was no longer enjoying them. Forbidden foods lose their appeal when you truly allow yourself to have them anytime.

vegan pumpkin donuts

For example, when I was dieting and binge eating, I could have eaten a whole sleeve or two of cookies in one day because I knew I wouldn’t be “allowed” to eat them the next day. I ate more than I needed or even wanted to, simply because they were going to be forbidden to me soon.

When I gave myself permission to eat those cookies whenever I wanted, I would only eat 2 or 3 cookies at a time and then I’d save the rest for the next time I wanted them. Eventually the box could sit in my pantry for a whole month or more.

I became one of those people who “forgot” that the cookies were even there. (Which certainly never happened to me before!)

Get Rid of the “All or Nothing” Mentality

Something that I preach here on the blog, as well as in my cookbooks, is that you have to get rid of the “all or nothing” mentality if you want to have a healthy relationship with food.

At the peak of my binge eating, I was either on a diet or I wasn’t– so when I wasn’t dieting, I was binge eating. There was no middle ground.

Now, I try to abide by the popular 80/20 approach, where I eat healthy 80% of the time, but I still splurge 20% of the time with no guilt whatsoever. Despite my lack of dieting, my body naturally lost the excess weight I was carrying– simply because I wasn’t binge eating anymore! I had to trust the process and trust that my body would naturally start craving what it needed when I simply followed my hunger signals. I eat when I’m hungry, and when I start to feel full, I stop. I can always go back for more food if I need it, so there’s no urge to stuff my face all at once.

While it’s super-embarrassing to share my struggles here in such a public space (Hi, Mom! Hello, coworkers!), I hope that my experience will help at least one other person who is out there struggling, too.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask them in the comments below and I’ll do my best to answer them.

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Megan Gilmore leaning on her white countertop.

Megan Gilmore

Hi, I’m Megan. A former fast food junkie turned best-selling cookbook author. As a Certified Nutritionist Consultant (CNC), I love to make healthier food using simple ingredients. I test these recipes multiple times in my kitchen to make sure they will turn out perfectly for you.

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Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing your personal experience, Megan. While I imagine it took a lot of courage, I hope you realize that with this post, you’ve provided guidance, inspiration, and hope for many people. Thanks again!

  2. Thank you Megan
    I appreciate that you wrote of your struggles and thank you as it helps me to understand my own. I have come to realize that I have a binge eating problem, may be a little different than what you describe. I think of food all the time. I find that when I do start to eat certain things, usually something like chips or sweets, I cannot stop. I tell myself over and over, that’s the last one. Right back to the pantry I go. I crave sweets and breads. Try not to buy them, but then I’ll give in, buy a huge bag and eat the whole thing. I feel so uncomfortable and want to eat normal portion sizes desperately. It’s very embarrassing. I’ve been told “you have a good appetite”. I’m not obese, although 10-15 lbs overweight.
    Any suggestions?

    1. Deana, this is me as well! Sugar is like a drug to me and as soon as I open the door, I cannot shut it. I am just as bad with fruit when I try to eat “healthy.” And I obsessively think of food as well. I’m constantly shaming myself about the “bad” food I’ve eaten, and then obsessing about what I should eat to lose weight. I have dieted off and on my whole life (I’m now 56), losing the same 20-30 lbs over and over. It does make me think my brain is not wired properly because I cannot seem to have a sane relationship with food.

  3. What a great article…thank you for sharing. I am guilty of being obsessed with “super healthy eating” and the all or nothing mentality really gets us nowhere. Feeding ourselves nurturing foods and being kind to our bodies is definitely the best approach. Thanks for the reminder.

  4. Thank you so much for this post! You are so brave to open up…I am impressed and grateful. I have felt crazy for my binge eating and thought I was the only person experiencing this. Your experience sounds just like me! Again, thank you!

  5. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I’m 57 and wonder if I will ever stop obsessing about what and when to eat. When I was on a particular antidepressant, I did stop thinking about food which makes me think that there is something about brain chemistry that is in control of this. Knowing that does take some of the guilt and shame away. I’m no longer depressed and don’t want to be on medication so that’s not a solution. Some of your ways to heal ring true for me and have worked before for me. Thank you for the reminder. I hope you have continued success in your journey.

  6. Great post. Kind of synchronistic. I was a binge eater in my twenties but didn’t recognize it for what is was at the time. I thought about it today for the first time in year and then I read your blog. My mother made desserts forbidden so when I left home at a very young age, I grabbed the chance to eat entire Sara Lee cakes and quarts of ice cream only to resolve to start dieting, an endless cycle. Of course I felt sick. I am now in my sixties. It took a few decades to come to terms with food and be more relaxed about it. Now my palate has changed and I gravitate to a very healthy way of eating and a good weight. Thank you for sharing this. Love and have your cookbooks.

  7. Megan: thank you for the transparent. That took a lot of courage.

    I understand how to deal with overeating from a more practical standpoint
    Thanks again!

  8. Megan thank you so much for sharing this. I have struggled with binge eating and bulimia in the past and all of the things that helped you helped me too. It’s always so important to be reminded that we are not alone. It’s the stigma and embarrassment that fuel the eating disorder, so posts like yours are really critical. I think the takeaway is to stop restricting and start enjoying food so that it doesn’t take over your life. Kudos to you for figuring out what you needed to do to start honoring your body. It’s not easy! The guidelines that you provide here for overcoming BED (and eating disorders in general) are supremely helpful and a great resource for all of us.

  9. I LOVE this and totally could have written it myself. Thank you for sharing – I have no doubt that it will help people.